There was a time when I staunchly believed that regret was a futile emotion, a drain on
energy that I passionately conveyed to my children, friends, family, and even clients. To me, regret seemed like a gateway to despair, a path one could easily get stuck in. However, a shift occurred, and I found myself delving into the role and significance of regret. Actively exploring my own regrets became a journey of acknowledgment, learning, and healing.
In my exploration, I turned to the insights of psychology, sociology, and interdisciplinary studies. The consistent thread woven through research was the idea that emotions, including regret, act as intricate data sources. They are not fleeting feelings but rather physiological responses intricately linked to the ongoing narratives within us, shaping how we perceive ourselves, others, and the world.
As I immersed myself in the concept of emotions as data sources, my curiosity extended to regret. If emotions carry significance, then regret, too, must play a crucial role in our lives. The realization hit me: I could no longer dismiss regret. It was time to step beyond the jagged edges of my comfort zone, to unlock memories and stories that harbored the pain associated with this complex emotion.
Reflecting on my research findings about regret, it can be described as a negative emotional state that emerges when we realize that our present circumstances might have been improved had we made different choices in the past. This emotional experience includes self-blame and a keen awareness of the repercussions of those choices. In my earlier mindset, I adamantly discouraged dwelling on regret, considering it a trap without opportunities for do-overs. Yet, I now recognize that perceiving regret solely through a negative lens can trigger additional distressing emotions, possibly resulting in physiological shutdown and a tendency to avoid confronting the issue. Regret can be scary though...what do I do with the realization that I am in the wrong career for example? That I have potentially 'wasted' years investing in a career that does not fulfill me?
Yet, from an evolutionary standpoint, regret serves a functional purpose. It acts as a learning mechanism, guiding us to adapt behavior based on past experiences for better decision-making in the future. This perspective highlights the benefits of exploring regrets, which now contain valuable information about biases and blind spots that influenced our decision-making. Different types of regret emerge: action regret, inaction regret, and anticipatory regret. The emotional and cognitive components of regret involve thoughts about what might have been, coupled with feelings of sadness or disappointment. Regret significantly influences future decision-making, with individuals either becoming risk-averse or taking more risks to overcome past regrets.
Reflecting on regret in my daily life, I notice its presence, whether it's the lingering feeling of an unfinished to-do list or the weight of inaction regret. Yet, there's an opportunity for learning. What can I glean from this regret? Perhaps it's a signal to reassess expectations, evaluate my emotional state, or redefine what my best looks like on any given day.
As I dove deeper into regret, I discovered the multifaceted nature of human development. It led me to explore my earliest memories of regret, unveiling the intricate web of emotions woven into my development. Human development, with its pre-verbal lessons and early coping strategies, is a captivating journey that shapes our relationship with emotions.
Piaget's theory of cognitive development sheds light on the age at which reasoning abilities start to emerge, around seven years old. This marks the 'age of reason,' where the evolving brain gains access to a more concrete understanding of cause and effect. Regret becomes more prominent and insightful as the brain develops, allowing us to consider long-term consequences.
In embracing the role of regret as an informant for future actions, it becomes paramount to interact with it in a way that aligns with our values, guiding us toward a life of authenticity. The evolution of regret within our lives reflects our own growth, from absorbing language to navigating the complexities of emotions. Life's journey unfolds, and regret, when approached with openness and understanding, becomes a compass for shaping a life filled with purpose and authenticity.
Thank you for your insight into feeling regret. I so agree with you that regret can provide a compass to our values, lessons learned from errors made, and what relationship amends we desire to make. ❤️🐞